I’ve learned a lot throughout my junior-senior project. I didn’t just learn about the preventable causes of maternal mortality in Nigeria and Texas, but also about myself. I did research on Maternal Mortality in Nigeria and compared the results to Texas. I struggled with coming up with ideas for my project and wanted to settle for something simple like writing an article or some kind of paper. I think that although writing would have been an easier route, I wouldn’t have been able to personally develop without taking the suggested route of painting the causes. Although, I struggled a lot and hated that I’d listened to Sarah because of all the work I had to do at the beginning, I was glad for taking her advice in the end.
I remember sitting in the library at school resenting the fact that this project had become my whole life. I was completely consumed by the work I had to get done. Always stressing, my mind running a million miles a minute trying to come up with more efficient ways to work so I “could be done already.” Exhaustion was all I felt, I was numb to my painting tutor Erika trying to help me. All it took was four words formed in a question to have me breaking down crying. “Crystal, are you okay? That’s all it took and I was completely undone. This wasn’t the first time a handful of words undid my pent up emotions. It only ever took a couple more to get me semi-back together.
“I don’t have time to evaluate my mental health.” That was a common phrase used by me during this project. I spent the majority of the time isolated from friends and family feeling helpless and exhausted. I was physically exhausted and the thought of taking time for myself to evaluate my “well being,” only made me feel worse. “I just need to keep going until it’s done.” Thinking back on those words, I feel like a fool.
This project has shown me the common error in judgment that I went through.
This was quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my entire school career. It’s allowed me to grow as an academic student and for me personally. I’ve learned a lot about myself and how far I can push myself before I have to stop. Even though I’ve been working mostly non-stop on my project, I’ve made sure to take time out to spend time relaxing, spending time with friends and family, and just doing something that I enjoy.
For me that’s the biggest growth I’ve seen because I was never really the person to willingly stop, I would always keep going and going until I burned myself out. For me to be able to say that I can take time out for myself is my biggest personal accomplishment. I think this journey has allowed me to see this project as not just a service project, or just busywork, which is what it sometimes felt like, but also as a self-discovery project, a way for me to grow as an individual.
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