I can’t believe this is actually happening. To me. After all the hard work I put into thinking of the perfect project idea, the illusion and emotional connections I had built as I planned out my next steps into my project. For a second, I really thought everything was working out just the way I had imagined and hoped it would. I couldn’t find a motive as to why my project idea wouldn’t work out, I mean, how could it not? Yet here I am, watching it dissolve before me along with my spirit and motivation. All my work, gone because I couldn’t handle my responsibilities the way I promised myself I would.
After being confronted and told that I wouldn’t be able to work on my project idea due to lack of time in my schedule, I struggled to cope and move forward. I had invested a lot of time and emotion towards my project idea and to know that I wouldn’t be able to accomplish it really brought me down.
I hadn’t expected senior year to start off as difficult as it was for me. Not only did I have new responsibilities to the school and the students, but to myself and to my family. I didn’t premeditate what these responsibilities meant or how they would affect my schedule because I thought I’d adjust quickly, but it wasn’t long before I got behind on my project progress. I knew I’d face challenges along the way so I didn’t want to change my project idea, but I began to struggle to the point where my grade began to lower.
Regardless, I was determined to push through and find a way to accomplish it regardless of how much I was struggling. I couldn’t see how much I was hurting myself academically and mentally because I was pushing myself to do more than I could handle and was too stubborn to accept it. After quarter one ended and my grades were set, I was finally confronted with the cold, hard reality that I just wasn’t going to be able to find the time to work on my project idea and needed to change it. This was the hardest news I had received and for a few weeks I struggled to find a new project idea. Every idea I came to I rejected because my mind was clamped shut. It began to affect my performance in other classes and my behavior at home to the point where I was referred to the school counselor.
Chinquapin has a school counselor available for students who may be having difficulty with their academic or behavioral performance. The school counselor can change every school year or semester, but there is always a school counselor available during school hours. I had not heard of who the school counselor was until I was sent to their office one day during school. At first I was confused as to why I was referred to her office since I didn’t feel like I needed to be counseled.
She began by asking me questions about who I was, my interests, my activities, etc. After getting all that general information, she opened up the conversation to whatever I wanted to tell her. In my mind I felt it unnecessary to talk since I kept telling myself I was okay but as soon as I opened up my mouth to take a deep breath words began to scramble out of my mouth. Before I knew it, I was telling this woman basically my life story. I was telling her about college work, my family, my school progress, my fears and insecurities. but why? I didn’t even know her and I was spilling out all this personal information while she just sat and took in everything I was saying. Once my mouth stopped running there was a small moment of silence before she began to talk me through my problems. My “appointment” with her ended shortly after, but once I left her office I felt an ease wash over me. Everything I had bottled up was finally loose and I was finally beginning to see things straight.
To this day I still keep in touch with her whenever I feel the need to talk to someone or even just to say hi and update her with what I am currently going through. Meeting up with her really helped me release all the stress and negative emotions I was carrying with me. Thanks to her counseling sessions and to the people who referenced me to them, I was able to move past my struggles and continue with my project in a positive and optimistic way.
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